Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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