Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
