so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
