The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
