You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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