Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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