the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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