I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
