Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
