Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
