billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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