So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
