How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
