ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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