have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
