I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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