Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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