this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
