we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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