Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
