i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
