Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
