U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
