at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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