I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need water and some morals
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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