I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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