Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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