So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
