I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
