its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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