She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
