You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's never too late to be topless.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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