She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
