well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
