he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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