I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
