it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
