We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
