I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
