he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dick very happy bro
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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