so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
