I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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