How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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