Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
