we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
