Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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