Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
