it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
