I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
did i just pee glitter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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