yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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