im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
