Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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