i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
